On Going Back to Work and Leaving My Baby with a Stranger

Could there possibly be a more depressing topic on my mind???  I start work on Tuesday and I’m dreading it.  There’s absolutely nothing at work that trumps the rewards of watching my baby grow.  I never thought I would find it so hard to have to leave her, but now I understand why so many people who have the option, choose to stay home with their babies.  So why am I going back to work?  Because my husband is making me.  I don’t know, he babbles on and on about a mortgage and futile dog training, and a Nintendo Wii, and he wants to stay home so he can watch movies like Bring It On during the day.  Okay, not really.  You know how life is, you just do what you have to do.  But Clover is at that stage already where she doesn’t like anybody except for her parents and one of our neighbors across the street, so I know she’s going to start screaming when we leave her with her new babysitter, Su.   Whenever anybody holds her, or even looks at her too long, she slowly starts turning her lips downward and opens her eyes wide, and before you know it, she’s crying.  I thought this kind of attachment was supposed to start a little later, not at 4 ½ months??  Her rolling is out of control lately.  As soon as I put her down, she rolls over, and she’s very frustrated that all her flailing doesn’t result in more movement.  Is Su going to pick her up and hug her?  Su asked me the other day if I was holding her a lot, and I could tell by the way she asked that she was wondering how difficult Clover was going to be for her.  Clover is not an easy child and Su is in for a rude awakening when she tries to put Clover down for a nap!  I’m just going to hope that she picks her up and hugs her.  I’m going to spend all weekend in a state of depression and trying desperately to find a career more suited to working from home than my current one.  Any suggestions?

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